tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10143908320355576152024-03-08T01:32:34.158-08:00Jon's BlogJon Visitacionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15610015202263324663noreply@blogger.comBlogger55125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1014390832035557615.post-88133902395758287672013-06-08T02:05:00.004-07:002013-06-08T02:05:48.949-07:00Writing about another 10 weeks...Well, maybe not exactly 10 weeks, but pretty close. Soon, I will be moving from Los Angeles to San Jose. It's going to be the biggest change of my life since spending 10 weeks in Virginia, and the biggest move I'll be making since I moved to LA. <br />
<br />
I have a lot on my mind. As I get closer and closer to moving up north, it gets harder and harder to function normally at church. I think it's getting harder and harder. I'm trying to make time for everyone, make sure that it's a smooth transition for everyone when I leave, make sure I say all my goodbyes and finish up the list of "to-do", "to-see". <br />
<br />
People ask me if I'm excited to move down. I am. I want to be closer to my girlfriend and closer to family, learn different ways and meet new people.<br />
<br />
But what I feel now is sadness. Lets be honest, I'm not the one who does well when it comes to being thanked or appreciated; I have a hard time receiving love in comparison to how much love I try to show for others. You may think I'm talking about two completely different sentences, but it really comes down to this. I feel loved by the church and I will have a hard time saying goodbye because I showed my love through my actions and dedication.<br />
<br />
I'm not sure what to express: gratitude for what I had/have/will have, sad for what I'll lose, excited for what I'll gain, frustrated that I can't clarify, express, nor relieve the thoughts in my mind. <br />
<br />
I lift up my prayers to you God. I hope that you bring sanity in my life, and I hope that God will do the same for you.<br />
<br />
<em>All at once, the world can overwhelm you, </em><br />
<em>There's almost nothing that you could tell me</em><br />
<em>That could ease my mind.</em><br />
<em></em><br />
Jon Visitacionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15610015202263324663noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1014390832035557615.post-41308404393398434382012-09-04T23:34:00.000-07:002012-09-04T23:34:00.183-07:00Being HumanSorry I haven't published anything lately. I should have, it was a crazy summer and all, but no, I haven't said anything.<br />
<br />
Til now.<br />
<br />
I just got back from celebrating with some of the advisors of a good year, and the seniors for a job well done, but I really didn't say anything or want to say anything at all. I realize that it may be the last three hours I'll spend with some of them for the rest of the Summer, probably the rest of the year, and I feel crappy for not having the right words on my tongue or anything. Hell, I was on the end of the table. <br />
<br />
It's wierd. I wanted to say that I love them and miss them and hope the best for them in college/seminary/life. I practiced in my head for months what I was going to say to each of them. At the same time, I just wanted to go home from being frustrated that I couldn't talk in the first place. I'm not sure whether I just am going through the phase of missing them, or that I can't handle change as well as I think I do. In either case, I didn't say much, just left. Barely looked back. <br />
<br />
I don't tell many people this, but the only regret I have in life is not being able to say what is on my chest at the moment. It makes me think I don't have that lasting impact in a person's life. It makes me think that I missed something if I never saw them again. I know I'm action-oriented, willing to do something more than say it out loud. But it just sucks when you don't say anything at all.<br />
<br />
Why didn't I say anything? Why didn't I say I got their back even though they know it, or the fact that I love them so much that I will miss them all dearly and already do, as I do every year when this happens? Why?<br />
<br />
I don't know.<br />
<br />
<br />Jon Visitacionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15610015202263324663noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1014390832035557615.post-73576474420371655852012-04-22T15:41:00.002-07:002012-04-22T15:41:59.979-07:00Walk On - Sermon Summary and thoughtsSo I preached today at church, and I titled it "Walk on". Free copies are located at church!<br />
<br />
Taking the story of the walk to Emmaus and Jesus appearing to the disciples in Luke 24:13-49, my message described our lives filled with these moments where we cannot move beyond them. We focus and lose sight of the overall vision, like the two disciples who couldn't see Jesus even though he was right in front of them. Moments that keep us "busy", moments of grief/sadness, frustration, or even joy could possibly act as walls in our lives, preventing us to see the larger picture.<br />
<br />
What do we need to remember? that Jesus is with us. That is part of the vision, and remembering that Jesus walks with us will help us clarify everything else.<br />
<br />
When we remember Jesus, we remember the vision.<br />
<br />
Expect Jesus to be there, but God expects you to walk on. If there's anything you need to let go to get you past the walls in your life, just let it go. Like U2 Bono's song: <i>You can only take so much...Walk on...leave it behind</i><br />
<br />
Whatever is holding you from getting past the walls in your life, just let go and walk on with Jesus. When you leave it behind and walk on, expect Jesus to be beside you, reminding you what Jesus taught us and the big vision that we’re a part of.<br />
<br />
QUESTIONS:<br />
1. The eyes of a child - Think of a moment that you were so focused, that it commanded all of your attention.<br />
2. Seeing vs. Visioning - Do you have moments in your life currently from preventing you from seeing a bigger vision?<br />
3. Walk on - What things do you need to let go in order for you to get past these walls in your life?<br />
<span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 200%;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 200%;"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=1014390832035557615" name="_GoBack"></a></span>Jon Visitacionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15610015202263324663noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1014390832035557615.post-79378469365767981972011-10-22T03:08:00.001-07:002011-10-22T03:08:51.492-07:0010 weeks after 10 weeks<div class="mbl notesBlogText clearfix"><div>This has been probably one of the few times I've stayed up past 2:30 since I came back home from Virginia. And I really don't want to sleep just yet. Sure, I'm super exhausted, every bone in my body aches, and there is no reason why I should lay down on my makeshift bed to go to sleep for a handful of hours just to start a new day.<br />
<br />
I realized it has been 10 weeks since I left Virgina. I miss it dearly. I am homesick for the life I had over in Virginia, and memories pop up left and right, and I itch to sit down and have a deeply rooted conversation about a person's life and how God is a part of the madness. Though I run with my arms wide open towards what I have now - a loving church and an amazing ministry with an amazing staff, a family and girlfriend whom I (try to) see once a month, and an abundance of love - i do look over my shoulder, wondering if I will have an opportunity to do Chaplaincy once again. I miss my supervisor/fellow office chaplains, my peers who were residents and in the program. I miss saying hi to medical staff, walking up and down the hospital, wearing a beeper, sitting in drug dependency group sessions, and just being in a room with a person.<br />
<br />
But like I said, I am a better person. Although I itch to have those deep conversations, I realize that I can read people a lot clearer and understand their emotions with some clarity. I understand that my need to do stuff around the church is greater than my time or resources will always allow, and so my practice in self-care has been more important than ever. And that my memories of Virginia will always be a source of inspiration, both in my ministries that I am doing now and in the future, as well as my faith journey to take the path that God leads you.</div></div>Jon Visitacionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15610015202263324663noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1014390832035557615.post-30944332764225227292011-09-19T09:46:00.000-07:002011-09-19T09:46:47.860-07:00In response...I wrote this email in response<a href="http://www.latimes.com/news/local/la-me-0717-lopez-dad-20110717,1,5606053.column"> to an article written by Steve Lopez of the LA times</a><br />
<br />
Hello Steve,<br />
<br />
My name is Jon Visitacion, and currently I'm a High School Youth Coordinator/pastor for a church in the south bay. This past Summer, I interned as a chaplain in a hospital setting and experienced being spiritually present with patients and loved ones going through some of the darkest times of their lives.<br />
<br />
When I came back to my church, I gave a testimony about my experiences, which led to one of the church members handing me an article dated back on 7-17-11 titled "Floundering in the Dark" and dealt with the business of dying. From your article, I can relate from the 'outside looking in' that dying is a bit more complicated in terms of emotions and finances. I got to work with a hospital team called "palliative care" where all of the diagnoses and options of care were laid out on the table. It is done in hopes that the patient and family's wishes are fulfilled to the best of their ability, being completely informed of each direction the doctors, nurses, and chaplains can go. With that said, I saw a patient who, with the support of her family, requested to be brought back to life at all costs. I couldn't imagine the cost that the family incurred by being in MICU for months or the multiple ER visits.<br />
<br />
I guess that is all to say that I understand what you mean when you say the "business of dying." It is a business, and in your definition it is meant by the last few years/months/weeks/days that there is a cost, and as we age we do not prepare ourselves for the emotional or financial cost as we get closer and closer towards the end of our life. Although we may not age well, we must try to make the attempts in whatever way we can. <br />
<br />
What gets people through the business of dying is the support of family, friends, and their faith. Like how you wrote that your father fell to the ground and couldn't get up and then your mother laid beside him in the dark, we hope that there will be someone who holds us when we're alone in the dark. I really appreciate the words you wrote, and will be keeping you in my prayers as you go through this journey with your father. <br />
<br />
Take care, and God Bless,<br />
<span style="color: #888888;"><br />
Jon</span>Jon Visitacionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15610015202263324663noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1014390832035557615.post-69396798103100345462011-09-10T23:56:00.000-07:002011-09-10T23:56:19.203-07:00A reflection in musicAll at once, the world can overwhelm you.<br />
<br />
And you think that you have it under control but you realize that the ground you stand on isn't as firm as you thought it was, and you fall. We keep asking ourselves if we're strong enough, but we change in midstream. <br />
<br />
To make the world better.<br />
To make the people happier.<br />
To make our lives easier.<br />
To make the event more successful.<br />
<br />
In light of the musical, amidst my frustrations, I think we get caught up in doing things better, simpler, faster, and from different perspectives, that we lose our own group understanding. That's when the frustration comes: when people want to change, and others are not ready. The change is for the common good, but if it was good already, there's no need to change. All-in-all, the musical ran well. The dinner ran well. The youth, advisors, and adults did well. The kitchen staff did well, and the cast did amazing. And I got to hang out with my advisors. And I got to thank my youth. And I got to hang out with my youth. <br />
<br />
So eventhough i was frustrated, I really am grateful for what God has given us: through hardwork, we have dedication. Through time off, we have fellowship. Through silly-ness, we have memories. Through it all, we have music.<br />
<br />
Thank you God, thank you Faith UMC, thank you youth, parents, advisors, adults, congregation and community. <br />
<br />
<pre>There's a world we've never seen
There's still hope between the dreams</pre>Jon Visitacionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15610015202263324663noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1014390832035557615.post-10151504702484898332011-09-10T09:38:00.000-07:002011-09-10T09:38:38.357-07:00RainWait, did that just happen in socal on the first week of fall?<br />
<br />
Yeah, it just rained. I woke up to the sound of rain. After all of the frustration I had last night, both internally and with whats going on in the musical, it was a blessing to hear it. It was another trigger of Virginia, a reminder that would come every week or so. That while it would be so hot that you couldn't breathe, there would come a day that the rains would come and cool down everything, and quench everyone's thirst.<br />
<br />
The rain cooled me down, i'm not worried about today, wish i could have played in the rain but i was wearing nice clothes by then. But, today will be a good day.Jon Visitacionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15610015202263324663noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1014390832035557615.post-38542866155517394542011-09-10T01:00:00.000-07:002011-09-10T01:00:22.948-07:00all at onceI'm still caught up by everything and it's tying with the stress of chaplaincy. Probably one of those moments where my CPE program is transferring to what i'm doing now. <br />
<br />
I'm just not sure why i'm feeling similarities between the stress/uncomfortable feelings I had then and the stress/uncomfortable-ness I have now. I just find myself listening to "all at once" by jack johnson with my face in my hands, wanting to release all the emotions I have. But I shed no tears because I'm not sad. Not angry. I'm not calm or happy either at this moment. <br />
<br />
And so, I sit and pray, hoping God sheds some light onto my life, not that an answer will come down like a lightning bolt, but to be present. Present amidst my own struggles, and the mad rush of this musical. Present in my life that is torn at the moment. Present where I have three places to live but nowhere to call home at the moment. Present in my relationship with Mika. Present in the new adventures of work/church. Present amidst my school loans. <br />
<br />
I guess I've been wanting to get that off of my chest for a while. The stress of the musical and all of its "fun-ness" seems to have brought me back to a reality that I need God, and God has never left me. <br />
<br />
Amen to that.Jon Visitacionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15610015202263324663noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1014390832035557615.post-45927927799850305342011-09-09T23:55:00.000-07:002011-09-09T23:55:37.838-07:00Why are musicals so stressful?Amidst trying to move and get ready for the new year, the church is throwing their annual musical performance. And every year the cast does an amazing job, and have heard nothing but positive comments of the music and the performers. <br />
<br />
So why is everyone so stressed out? <br />
<br />
I look at everyone and they're not necessarily irritated, but just exhausted. Burned out.<br />
<br />
Just done. With everything.<br />
<br />
It bothers me, but I have no answer or no real reflection. If you were to ask why people help, you would get a range of answers: I love to sing, I love to hear singing, I love to help the church, someone asked me to help out, it goes to a good cause, and I don't have anything better to do. <br />
<br />
I guess I'm torn between the benefits and the costs of this ministry. Does it benefit everyone? Does it cost everyone? I'm not sure I could say yes or no for either of these questions. Jon Visitacionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15610015202263324663noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1014390832035557615.post-48995041763770715752011-09-07T00:19:00.000-07:002011-09-07T00:19:31.981-07:00Change for goodAs I sit in the church watching the congregation get ready for their musical, one of the members began singing a song from Wicked...at least I think it was from wicked. I latched onto the words of the chorus, which kept echoing the words, "change for good". <br />
<br />
It moved me, even though most of the change I was initially dealing with. I have a sprained ankle and a pulled back, and I'm trying to move into an area which people have warned me about. I'm trying to get back into the mood of doing youth work, but it's not transitioning well, as I've been trying to juggle the upcoming events for the HS youth group.<br />
<br />
Change for good. As much as I can complain about, I AM SO GRATEFUL. I'm not afraid of the area, as I've been to places more ghetto in Fresno and I felt that there are places in Virginia could rival it. My neighbors are nice and watch out for each other. But most of all, I"M CLOSER TO WORK. Work is getting more stressful because I'm given more tasks and more responsibilities. It should be awesome! Mika's coming down more cuz her sister Mari moved down! <br />
<br />
Change for good. I am happy, counting my blessings, loving my loved ones, and reuniting with my youth. Amen.Jon Visitacionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15610015202263324663noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1014390832035557615.post-57334079072043945572011-08-28T23:04:00.000-07:002011-08-28T23:04:11.559-07:00ClosureGod, it's been two weeks since my CPE program, and the last time I blogged. Most of the 7 day drive back home either had no internet, or I was too tired to make full sentences. I plan to blog about that when I have more time, but let me just say it was awesome to see the youth mission team in Alabama and Rachael in Vegas, and a big THANK YOU to Chad for helping me drive back home to Los Angeles.<br />
<br />
But when I got back home, I didn't feel like I was home. I hugged part of my house when I got back, but then opened the door to find that my roommate was already in the process of moving. I'm not irritated about him already packing, but when I saw all the boxes stacked in the house, my home didn't feel like home anymore.<br />
<br />
I got to hang out with Mika and her mom and sister, and it was really nice to see my girlfriend and her family. Mari (Mika's sis) was moving into the dorms that weekend, and so I got to spend time with Mika as much as I could. I drove up to Fresno to see family and my nephew got bigger! he now mumbles, and my sis (Chari) wants me to play with him more so he can start calling me "uncle". After spending two days with Mika and her family, then spending two days with my own family, I came back to my own house, realizing that between the boxes and my junk, I felt more comfortable being in my office.<br />
<br />
It gave me reason to work on my sermon that I gave today, and I worked in my office, and then stayed overnight for two nights because of the amount of driving as well as the meetings I needed to be at church and that the water heater went out at my house.<br />
<br />
So, as I wrote about my summer and how it felt being a chaplain, the meetings were great reunions. It's amazing to just spend time with friends because that seemed to be a constant factor for my disconnect from being back home. I had dinner with my roommate, which was really fun because we caught up on everything. <br />
<br />
So today, I gave my message. I told many stories about what I did this past summer, what I saw, what I heard, and how God was working through it all. My buddy Chad is trying to put it online so if he gets the sermon on the internet i'll pass it out to everyone because I was really proud of what I said. I was really proud of what I did. People tell me that I have a level of confidence that I never had before. And some congregation members began telling me their valleys and "chaplain Jon" immediately kicked in. <br />
<br />
As I pack and get ready to move to my new place, I recognize that today was good closure to what is about to come soon. I was afraid that my new identity would be lost, but it seems to be "merged" with who I was. I am finally coming to the understanding that I did change, and am beginning to feel comfortable being in my own skin. And I was welcomed with open arms by everyone: my girlfriend, family, roommate, friends, and church members.<br />
<br />
Thank you.Jon Visitacionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15610015202263324663noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1014390832035557615.post-34054024666447118092011-08-12T04:27:00.000-07:002011-08-12T04:27:17.385-07:005 HoursI finished my last paper and saw my last patient yesterday. Today is a day for celebrating how much I grew for the past 10 weeks, and how much all of the Summer interns and graduating residents have been part of this hospital. <br />
<br />
Congratulations to Nancy and Ron for completing a year of residency, you were great mentors.<br />
<br />
Congratulations to Curtis S., and I hope that you keep reaffirming your calling in Chaplaincy.<br />
<br />
Congratulations to Courtney, and good luck in your travels abroad to the middle east.<br />
<br />
Congratulations to Curtis B., and I hope that you and Mandy have a good one this year at seminary in S.C.<br />
<br />
Congratulations to Barbara, and I wish you the best of luck in seminary this coming year in Gettysburg.<br />
<br />
Jon Visitacionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15610015202263324663noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1014390832035557615.post-86105529619794426712011-08-10T19:55:00.000-07:002011-08-10T19:55:11.932-07:0048 hoursI have two days left in my program. Yeah.<br />
<br />
So why am I frustrated? I think it's because it's ending, and as all of us in the program have written evals and we were all supposed to read them. So it may be a little lack of sleep. It could also be that I'm pondering stuff back home: hotels, driving, money, sermon, AC, moving, 2nd job. <br />
<br />
I ask that you pray for me tonight or whenever you read this. Not that I feel bad or anything, maybe a lil cathartic (yeah, I just looked it up). I got a lot out of the program, but I know I'm hard on myself and I think that is why I feel like this: that there may have been things I could have done better eventhough I did my best and no one second-guessed my ability, or the fact that time is out and whatever feelings I have should be pushed aside for the next thing, or the understanding that this opened new doors of opportunity and reflection that it's making me anxious with so many decisions.<br />
<br />
Sometimes I find that it is hard to be ok with what I have done, or sit in gratefulness of what I've accomplished, or be content with some of the simple things I do. I will tell you this, I don't regret one day in the CPE program or any of the difficult times I've had both inside and outside the hospital, because I am so proud and humbled by being in the room and being a witness of God's work in a patient's life.Jon Visitacionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15610015202263324663noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1014390832035557615.post-51764940958977806872011-08-09T19:49:00.000-07:002011-08-09T19:49:01.494-07:00ThoughtsThis is my last week in the program. In fact, three more days after this. I've been packing and writing my final paper. You may have heard that last friday was my last overnight at the hospital and I HAD NO CALLS!!! Kinda amazing. <br />
I'm sad that the program is coming to an end.<br />
I'm happy to go home.<br />
I'm grateful that I could be with so many patients and see God being present with them.<br />
I'm angry that I didn't see an alpaca.<br />
I'm humbled that countless people have affirmed my calling into ministry.<br />
I'm excited to get ready for next year in MYF.<br />
I'm excited to bring what I learned back home.<br />
I'm ready to make a difference.Jon Visitacionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15610015202263324663noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1014390832035557615.post-14832019926949014272011-08-09T19:44:00.000-07:002011-08-09T19:44:56.757-07:00Alpaca!?!?!First off, I just wanted to say thank you for all the birthday wishes, and I appreciate you all and love you all. Want to know what I did? Well, inspired by Jessica, I went on an alpaca hunt and went to the zoo. So I forgot that the zoo's were outside and it was hot on my birthday, so being the fool I was, I wore jeans outside. Even more so than usual, I got a two-for-one on a chicken sandwich at a fast food joint and didn't want to leave it in the car or else it would spoil. So for two hours, I walked around the Zoo looking for an alpaca in the hot sun wearing Jeans that had a hot chicken sandwich stuffed inside. I saw, lions, tigers, BUT NO ALPACAS!! The zoo lady even lied to me saying that they had a llama, but they didn't even have that. I left in disarray, heading next to the Chrysler Museum. I found a free admission ticket in my desk drawer and felt called to go. Inside was a huge section of glassware, similar to what you see at amusement parks where you throw dimes on. I am a fan of art, but I don't spend hours staring at it and I don't read all the comments and stuff. I look, take a picture, and leave. And that's what I did. Oh, and they had a curious george exhibit, which was cool (btw, did you know that curious george actually had brothers and sisters?). After that, it was around 5ish and I passed by a hat shop in a shady area of town. So I went in and bought what i was looking for: a new ivy hat. still not hungry for dinner, I drove as far east as I could to make it to the beach. Didn't go in the water, can't swim with jeans and shoes on. Felt awkward to be at the beach wearing that, so I left and went home. Oh, and I did end up seeing an alpaca. It was the next day, on TV.Jon Visitacionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15610015202263324663noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1014390832035557615.post-63063989462176144692011-08-03T19:09:00.000-07:002011-08-03T19:09:35.963-07:00LuckSo, this is the post where I'll talk about luck...<br />
<br />
I'm not really a superstitious person, but I do notice things that would...freak other people out. For example. I drive by a house that owns 4-6 black cats. Freaks me out every day because I don't want a "bad" day at the hospital...whatever that means. You NEVER tell pepole that it seems quiet on the floor, because you jinx them later.<br />
<br />
Amidst of all the superstition, I think of how lucky I am and have been throughout this program. Sure, there's been tough times, but I've always had people looking out for me. I had people supporting me both near and far. I got to meet people who are struggling through life and still have faith in God. I've seen miracles done by God on patients over many years, 2 hour alcohol-dependency group sessions, and in two minutes. And that last one about the two minutes, the guy needed CPR for about 30 min. The doctor asked the family if they could stop, the family said no. The doctor gave his staff two more minutes and in those two min they were able to get his heart beating on its own.<br />
<br />
Luck...<br />
I'd rather call it a blessing...<br />
a miracle...<br />
God's presence...<br />
faith...Jon Visitacionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15610015202263324663noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1014390832035557615.post-82619238824136993652011-08-02T15:13:00.000-07:002011-08-02T15:13:36.486-07:00Angry PeopleToday was the day for angry people. They're kinda funny, because they're sometimes rediculous of the reasons why they're mad. But you feel bad for those who have good reason to be mad. <br />
<br />
So I will talk about three angry patients I had today. I will let you come to your own conclusions what made them angry and if they're valid. I'll just tell you what I walked into.<br />
<br />
Patient #1 was irate because of three major things. First, they were mad that they waited for 7 hours in ER because ER and the floors were not communicating even though his regular doctor made an appt. for him to be admitted. What made things worse is that the food in his words "sucks so bad that they shouldn't even call it food." His last argument was that nurses could actually say what they're doing without actually barging into the room and take blood like a vampire in the night. I told him that I was sorry, I would pray that he goes home soon, and left. Can't change the past, Can't cook food for him, and I am not the one with the needles.<br />
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Patient #2 was asleep...though her caretaker was telling me that she went all crazy on the nurses. No exact details because she didn't actually witness the events, but it was wierd that she was perfectly normal the day before with no issues. Her outburst was assumed to be associated with her dementia. I told the caretaker that I was grateful for her presence now, and will be praying for her.<br />
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Patient #3 was calm although irritated to no end. Why? Similar to #1, with an issue with food and waiting for doctors and nurses to help them. Why was she calm? There was family in the room. <br />
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Chaplaincy has a level of bedside manner that equates to "customer satisfaction." Yes we report when staff do a bad job. But hospital food is highly controlled...If you're a patient and you're sick, the first thing to control while your admitted are the things you put in your body. ER waiting rooms are large because they accomodate a large number of people and therefore you wait a long time. If you can make reservations through your doctor that is awesome. But more than likely, triage nurses assess whether or not you can wait or not. Sometimes the patient can't help it due to behavioral issues. It's not exactly their fault, and so you have to be accepting of where they're coming from. <br />
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Anger is an emotion, and not uncommon if the patient feels anxious, frustrated, or helpless due to the fact that they cannot fix your own body. Truth is, just like those who have behavioral issues, it's not exactly their fault either and you have to be accepting of where they're coming from. They're not always mad at you (though sometimes they are). <br />
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Sometimes meeting them in their darkest moment is to accept the emotions that accompany them as well.Jon Visitacionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15610015202263324663noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1014390832035557615.post-13350774205180136562011-08-02T14:51:00.000-07:002011-08-02T14:51:01.284-07:0010Sorry I haven't blogged in a while. My last two posts were last friday, and they were on facebook because I did my overnight and can't access my blog. So please, go read them there, though i can cut and paste them here if you would like.<br />
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Thanks to Megan Yamamoto, the Masukanes and the Tondo's for the care packages. Definitely it has gotten me out of Charlie Brown syndrome. Probably as another update is that for those who were planning on mailing me stuff, I want to let you know that I'll be closing my mailbox on the 12th of next week, and trying to forward mail back to Torrance as early as the 10th. <br />
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Well, how am I doing? glad you didn't ask that last week, because it was quite irritating. I felt like I was making mistakes, and I was frustrated that I was learning office/department "policy" in the last three weeks of my internship. God that made me mad. Teach me that on the 3rd day, not the 3rd to last week.<br />
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I have 10 days left in the program, and 8 of them are working days. At this moment, I like "Chaplain Jon" as a visible figure not only to patients, but to staff as well. It's not that I don't feel comfortable...that could be a blog post in itself to describe how far I came. But the hospital itself is so compartmentalized that it would be uncommon to know a staff member from another department and even more uncommon if they actually worked together. But as a chaplain, I interact with the ICU, the regular floors, and the psych floors. Sure, some of the nurses ignore me, but I don't mind because they're supposed to be busy and not focused on me. But it is uplifting to know that you are referred to from the units you work with most. I'm not afraid to step into a room with patients...because I learned that they're people too. The only difference I have seen is that their brokeness has personified into something much more physical than everyone else. But everyone is spiritual, everyone is trying to understand life, and everyone defines a higher power (even in those extreme cases where they define themselves as God.). <br />
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So, How am I doing? I feel like a chaplain. Some days are good, some are not, but the caring for others have never left. I did not grow to "care" for others, but I understand the power of it and how it can be used to transform lives through God. For that, I hope I never lose that sense of caring for others.Jon Visitacionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15610015202263324663noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1014390832035557615.post-23596629344667381132011-07-24T19:53:00.000-07:002011-07-24T19:53:48.153-07:00Dinner PartyYesterday I was invited over to a dinner thrown by the parents of Curtis, a friend of mine in the CPE program. I had an amazing time with Curtis’ family: getting to meet his wife, his mother and father, his sister, his son and his wife and child, and a couple whom I wasn’t sure if they were neighbors or close friends. In any case, for two hours, I shared a dinner with them and got to know their family and how they interacted with one another. It completely reminded me of my own family back home and things that I miss.<br />
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Here’s an example: they have a dog named Buttons who is full of energy. Totally reminds me of my sister’s dogs, Kobe and Roxy…Mika’s dog Suki…and even Kyle’s dogs Nike and Radar. <br />
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This has been the first time in 9 weeks that I’ve felt some taste of home. I liked it. And because of that, I miss it. Aside from those feelings, what I felt most is sense of belonging that I haven’t felt since I’ve been back. I now feel like I belong in the CPE program – like I sorta know what I’m doing and won’t panic if I make a mistake. But what I’m talking about is a sense of belonging for being “Jon”. And although I do connect with people very intimately and personally every day in the hospital, I’ve been missing the connections and relationships with people outside of work. Luckily we live in a modern age of cell phones and Facebook/Google+/Skype, you can’t take them to movies or to burger king or even just to get gas across the street. <br />
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So, I just wanted to say, thank you to Curtis and his parents, Ron and Joyce (sorry if I'm spelling this wrong!) for allowing me into your home for a dinner that was well appreciated. Not just for the food (BECAUSE I AM A MAN WHO LIVES TO EAT), but also because of the company, the warmth, and the acceptance.Jon Visitacionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15610015202263324663noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1014390832035557615.post-34040797768257979732011-07-21T19:10:00.000-07:002011-07-21T19:10:18.425-07:00Week 7 part 2Although the title is named after Harry Potter, that's as far as it goes.<br />
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For me this week, I feel like I have been at a crossroads of many things. For me, this is the ending of my 7th week in the CPE program. Homesickness hit me a little bit. Getting in the groove of being a chaplain a little bit. I was asked today by Frances, one of my mentor staff chaplains, "what's something that you are going to take back with you when you're done with the program?" <br />
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I answered, but eventually boiled it down to this:<br />
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"I'm going to take home the people." <br />
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I'm changed by listening to the lives of others, by hearing joys, fears, frustrations, and anger in their hearts from the past and present. I looked in the mirror and did not recognize myself. This week I have felt homesick, saddened, empathetic, frustrated (driving...), and confused. This week I was told I was the "cute chaplain" by another patient, I felt respected and now recognized by the nurses, and I was complimented by the other chaplains. <br />
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I am happy that I'm doing well. I am sad that I'm not home. I'm frustrated that my calling seems to be more and more complex. I'm humbled by seeing God work wonders in people's lives both physically and spiritually. <br />
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Aside from all this, God's presence is in me and also in others. The interactions that I've had with patients and family members...nurses and doctors, mentors and peers... all of them were interactions with the Spirit working in the room. <br />
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Call me insightful, confused, enlightened, humbled, right, wrong, a leader, a follower, a servant, a listener, a storyteller. I am all of them. I am whatever God will work best through. I am who I am.Jon Visitacionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15610015202263324663noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1014390832035557615.post-82077096035300765182011-07-18T18:17:00.000-07:002011-07-18T18:17:19.602-07:00Week 7Week 7...crazy eh? <br />
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I've been in this CPE program for 6 weeks, been gone from LA for the past 8 weeks...<br />
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24 days until I drive home but who's counting? :)<br />
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I'm trying to figure out what I need to do to get home. I think i'll mail back my books and clothes...and now i'm in non-food purchases until everything is gone. <br />
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BTW, to everyone who's sent me letters and packages, thank you very much :) I jump up and down in the post office like a little school girl every time I get something.Jon Visitacionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15610015202263324663noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1014390832035557615.post-15006037512545870652011-07-16T19:16:00.000-07:002011-07-16T19:16:49.740-07:00Harry PotterSo I got out of my shell and went to go watch Harry Potter by myself. I didn't want to sit with huge crowds, so I forked out the extra dough to go watch it in 3D. It was good, as it ended the Harry Potter series, and now feel inspired to actually go and read the books. <br />
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But as I left the theater, I was not exactly thinking to myself, "wow that was an epic movie" or "why does Hermoine keep hugging Harry Potter if she likes Ron?" I left the theater kinda sad, probably from a combination of watching the movie and reflecting on my work. You see a person die in the movie, it reminded me of seeing a person die in real life. In essense, I felt the same emotions I did when I'm called into patients rooms to talk about a crisis. <br />
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It happens to everyone within their own context. When I was in HS in band, I could take any song and put notes to it. When I started being a camp counselor in college, I would be able to make games from junk. When I became a youth advisor, I would be able to make youth lessons from cartoons and TV. When I started to learn how to be a pastor, I could imagine sermons, prayers, and talks.<br />
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As I enter into this new context, I see that it makes sense to feel these things and associate them together. A death is a death, a loss is a loss, and grief in the movie is still grief.Jon Visitacionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15610015202263324663noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1014390832035557615.post-52027291830820932222011-07-12T18:20:00.000-07:002011-07-12T18:20:42.601-07:00Gratitude for NursesI sat with a patient today watching her give medicine to a patient through a feeding tube directly to his stomach.<br />
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I was in awe...for the fact that the nurse knew exactly how to measure, and stick the syringe in the patient, but the fact that she did not once squirm, flinch, make faces, or say any awkward comments.<br />
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Stereotypically considered to be a "women's" profession, I clearly doubt any understanding of knowing this. Not only I have seen many male nurses (I know at least three off the top of my head who I consider to be family, and one who is family) who are good at what they do. I have also seen many of the tasks that nurses do...many of which I would never ever categorize it as a "women's" chore.<br />
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To anyone reading this who is NOT a nurse or a med tech for that matter...<br />
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I dare you to try to clean up "foreign matter" off the ground.<br />
I dare you to try to stick a needle into people over, and over, and over. <br />
I dare you to not get freaked out by sticking your hand into the crotch of a 300lb patient to see if they have a pulse. <br />
I dare you to wash a stranger.<br />
I dare you to convince a patient for a life-saving technique when not only the patient, but the patient's family says no.<br />
I dare you to do chest compressions/CPR on a person by yourself for 10 min.<br />
I dare you to try to put up with doctors, family members, and anyone else while still trying to keep a smile for the patient.<br />
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So thank you nurses in hospitals, ambulances, senior homes, military branches, homes, and other places. Thank you for dealing with obnoxious patients. Thank you for cheering us up when we don't want to go to the hospital. Thank you for taking care of us, even if we do meet on bad circumstances. Thank you for giving us meds when we need them, and running to our rescue, even if that means we need a pillow or a blanket. Thank you for being there when we needed you most, even if that means bringing us back from the dead. Jon Visitacionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15610015202263324663noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1014390832035557615.post-53289961641935141552011-07-11T18:35:00.000-07:002011-07-11T18:35:32.915-07:00Charlie Brown Syndromehaha, what a ironic world...<br />
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So about the 1-2 week here, I bought a mailbox, just to separate my mail from the rest of the house, and to just to make sure that my mail was safe since I wouldn't be home most of the day. I paid an amt for about twice the length I was going to be here, because 6 months was the shortest length of time. It was fine. <br />
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I've been telling everyone...everyone not to mail me any packages. I appreciate all the love and everything, but there's two things I possibly could need over here. First is food, and I have access to food and it would cost way too much to send me food, so yeah, that doesn't make too much sense. The second is that eventually in about a month, I will be driving back home, and I will have to figure out a way how to get everything back to LA. It was cramped already driving back home...<br />
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But I have charlie brown syndrome. If you have no idea what I'm talking about, watch the old cartoons when Charlie brown is looking in his mailbox for a valentines care or a christmas card...nothing is ever found in the mail box. I only check my mailbox twice a week, and I don't expect anything in my mail box...and when I drive up to the post office, look for box 7813, I get out my key, turn the lock, and.........<br />
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nothing.<br />
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I go home.<br />
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I shouldn't say that I haven't gotten anything, Mika has sent me a package from Minnesota that cracked me up. I'm just saying that Charlie Brown Syndrome comes from two major factors. One is just missing home. The other is paying almost $40 for a PO box. haha...I don't know exactly what to say other than the fact that I put this on myself, and just thought you would get a kick out of it. And don't get me wrong, no one did anything wrong, i'm not forgotten, lot of ppl have been in contact with me.<br />
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It's just this stupid mail box is something that raises up my hopes and crushes it every time I get there!<br />
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:)Jon Visitacionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15610015202263324663noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1014390832035557615.post-26504087618312261842011-07-10T15:00:00.000-07:002011-07-10T15:00:19.127-07:00ExhaleSo last Friday on my usual overnighter at the hospital, I experienced the hardest on-call night I ever had to deal with. I was called to 4 code blues (situations where a patient has gone into cardiac arrest) for three different people. I only got 2.5 hours of sleep that night. <br />
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It is the spiritual care dept. policy for every chaplain to go to every death in the hospital and every code blue on your units assigned. On nights you are staying overnight, you go to every death and code blue in the entire hospital. Most of the time it's good, but some times the nights are rough, as it was this past Friday.<br />
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I say this because the last two code blues, the patients were put on ventilators (breathing assistance). When their family finally came to the hospital, they explained to the doctors and nurses that the patients never wanted to be placed on life-saving machines, including ventilators. <br />
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So that morning, after the 4 code blues, I was there to witness 2 deaths. But this morning was much different as well, because I stood there with the family as one of the patients were extubated (ventilator tubes pulled out), and the patient's breathing slowly stopped on their own. I have been present during a code blue to witness a death, but never in the room to actually watch a person die. It was every emotion that you could think of: joy in celebrating the life of the patient, sorrow in seeing the end of a life, anger of the abruptness of losing a loved one and not being able to do anything, grateful to hold their hands in their last few moments of life, and just shock due to the reality of the situation. It was beautiful. It was frustrating. It was a moment in which God could only be present, acting in the situation, feeling all of these emotions, and supporting everyone. <br />
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One of the philosophies I teach to everyone is just to breathe. I realize that it holds more weight than I could ever expect.Jon Visitacionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15610015202263324663noreply@blogger.com1