I've been on hiatus for a while, but decided to put up post because Holy Week is now over.
So my girlfriend is mad at me for good reasons: I was an hour late picking her up from a night class. I was at a meeting at my church and time flew by. My phone was silent, but little did I know there was 2 voicemails, 5 missed calls, and 3 text messages waiting for me when I checked.
And so, as I speed down the freeway in a 30 min commute, I reflect on how difficult it is to become a pastor and maintain a healthy relationship. I feel like that relationships between pastors and soon-to-be pastors do sacrifice and have that tension of balancing time.
It's hard.
It's tough.
It sucks. I don't want to sacrifice my relationship for my calling, nor do I want to put my vocation on hold either. Thank God that my girlfriend is so forgiving about these things, but even then she can only take so much, giving me the silent treatment on the way home. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger? Eh, I don't feel stronger, just guiltier.
Does anyone have stories about this!? I don't think it's just me, I just talked to a friend of mine who's starting to go into seminary...she told me that guys are kinda repelled by the notion of dating/marrying a pastor. I know I'm not alone on this...
I feel like as pastors we deal with it because it is the life we are called to live. But not really for our spouses, though they understand what it means to any full extent. So they're pulled along not necessarily because they're forced to, but because they're willing to sacrifice for their significant other. I try to hold onto my girlfriend whenever that realization of love comes into my mind, and I thank God not only for her presence, but for her willingness to forgive me when I do something stupid like being one hour late and not call.
So what should I do? I don't want to do this again in the near future. Shouldn't there be like Pastor-spouse counseling sessions or group therapy? or even a seminary class? A pamphlet that says, "so you're going to date a pastor..." or "A relationship between a spouse and pastor" would be helpful.
2 comments:
i understand. my wife and I are both ministers so we get each other irritated. no idea if there is a resource, but you can't have too much patience!
sorry to be a womp womp, but this is only the beginning of a series of hard decisions that you'll have to make as a minister. but the fact that you already acknowledge a need to maintain a work/life balance is better than most (cough*like my dad*cough). as long as kidney stones aren't reoccurring, you're golden!
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