Sorry I haven't blogged in a while, been busy with other things that I'll talk about sometime next week. But to sum it all up since last week it has been this sort of feeling.
Exhaustion.
You have no idea about the sense of exhaustion you go through spiritually, emotionally, and physically every day. It's not hard, but the job as a chaplain is demanding because you are always there for another person. which means that you don't focus on yourself. Sometimes it means putting on a smile when you don't feel like it (though I've never experienced that because i smile at everything). Sometimes it means feeling the same emotions your patients are going through. Sometimes it means going from one end of the hospital to another. The focus not on one's self always puts you in a place to always give yourself to others, and always placing you in a trajectory towards exhaustion.
The first day we were told that for extroverts you will be exhausted by the emotions, the amount of people you have to talk to and sometimes deal with, the suppression of your own triggers of memories/emotions, etc.
I'm not an extrovert...i'm an introvert (high level), which means that all this drains me quicker.
People ask me how i'm doing, I tell them I'm tired. Which is true, but not in a bad way, I tell people that it is good to be tired because it means you did something which was probably meaningful.
But I must watch out for exhaustion because it will lead to me being burned out. and i've felt it for the past week or so. I feel like i can get into a schedule, and then a code blue or a death comes up and puts me behind.
I just need to slow down, breathe, take my full lunch, rest, relax, and be ok with not getting through the entire list. This is the advice given to me by the resident chaplains, Nancy, Ron, and Joy, as well as Chaplain Francis.
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Why CPE?
If you have been reading this blog regularly, you may be asking yourself "Jon, why do this?" Simply stated, it's not easy, definitely draining, and tough to do on a daily basis. But, it is my calling, and I was never asking for it to be easy or comfortable or relaxing.
Today was the roughest day that I've had in my program. I was present with a family all morning while they followed their mother's wishes and pulled her off of the ventilator. I sat/stood with the daughter who was only 17 yrs old...reminded me of all of my youth kids back home...as she reminisced about how she fought with her mother about little things, how her mother won't be there to see her graduate from high school, or just support her while she grows up a little more. But this young woman was mature enough to know that her mother has been in physical pain for the past few years and knew that this was for the best. I told her that it was normal to blame yourself but in the end you won't be ok...you won't get over it tomorrow...because I know that your mom was everything to you...but you will get better and stronger.
The afternoon I was called in for another death in my unit, as I stood by in support of the family mourning over the loss of their loved one. The son came up to me and told me "God bless you Jon, I will keep you in my prayers...take care brother." I shook his hand, gave him a hug and told him, "likewise brother, as families in Christ stick together."
Pulled in many directions and just feeling wrung out by all of the emotions in the last two days, I was asked to see a patient. This patient was the very first patient I met and prayed with in the program. Even though he was at the hospital for three weeks, I thought at times that he was going to pass away. But seeing him go from not speaking, to barely waking up in MICU, to then sitting up in bed, to sitting up in a chair in regular clothes, I was truly amazed to see how God worked in his life for the past few weeks through doctors, nurses, family members, and friends. After shooting the breeze with him, I said a prayer of thanksgiving and blessing with him along with his wife and daughter, and saw him leave the hospital. The day before he left, he told me that miracles do exist. I told him today that he was living proof that miracles do exist.
Why CPE? Why learn how to be a chaplain in a hospital? It's because you learn why you believe. You learn how to be in the darkest moments of the lives of others when it may eat you up inside because they need someone to tell them that God is there with them. You learn how to be less awkward when people are real with you. But most importantly you learn that you go in there so that God can help others through you. I'm learning that more and more. and as much as I felt I was put through the ringer today...I am so glad I was there to be a pastoral presence for those families who lost their loved ones. I am so grateful to be that spiritual tool for God to use. And I am very honored to be there to share joys and sorrows with others.
Today was the roughest day that I've had in my program. I was present with a family all morning while they followed their mother's wishes and pulled her off of the ventilator. I sat/stood with the daughter who was only 17 yrs old...reminded me of all of my youth kids back home...as she reminisced about how she fought with her mother about little things, how her mother won't be there to see her graduate from high school, or just support her while she grows up a little more. But this young woman was mature enough to know that her mother has been in physical pain for the past few years and knew that this was for the best. I told her that it was normal to blame yourself but in the end you won't be ok...you won't get over it tomorrow...because I know that your mom was everything to you...but you will get better and stronger.
The afternoon I was called in for another death in my unit, as I stood by in support of the family mourning over the loss of their loved one. The son came up to me and told me "God bless you Jon, I will keep you in my prayers...take care brother." I shook his hand, gave him a hug and told him, "likewise brother, as families in Christ stick together."
Pulled in many directions and just feeling wrung out by all of the emotions in the last two days, I was asked to see a patient. This patient was the very first patient I met and prayed with in the program. Even though he was at the hospital for three weeks, I thought at times that he was going to pass away. But seeing him go from not speaking, to barely waking up in MICU, to then sitting up in bed, to sitting up in a chair in regular clothes, I was truly amazed to see how God worked in his life for the past few weeks through doctors, nurses, family members, and friends. After shooting the breeze with him, I said a prayer of thanksgiving and blessing with him along with his wife and daughter, and saw him leave the hospital. The day before he left, he told me that miracles do exist. I told him today that he was living proof that miracles do exist.
Why CPE? Why learn how to be a chaplain in a hospital? It's because you learn why you believe. You learn how to be in the darkest moments of the lives of others when it may eat you up inside because they need someone to tell them that God is there with them. You learn how to be less awkward when people are real with you. But most importantly you learn that you go in there so that God can help others through you. I'm learning that more and more. and as much as I felt I was put through the ringer today...I am so glad I was there to be a pastoral presence for those families who lost their loved ones. I am so grateful to be that spiritual tool for God to use. And I am very honored to be there to share joys and sorrows with others.
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Feeling Blue
So, one of the things that chaplains must do for their unit is that when a code BLUE is called, all chaplains responsible for that particular unit must check in with the charge nurse. This is in case of the fact that if a patient passes during a code blue, you can be there to provide support for the staff, the patient's family, and for the deceased.
Today for my first code blue that I had to be present. Luckily, the patient didn't pass away, but for me this was a new experience to see something like this. I stuck around at the suggestion of other chaplains, and got to meet the husband, who was nice and fairly calm about the situation...In all honesty I wonder now if he even knew. I left because I felt that the husband needed some space to let others know what is going on, but I stayed with him while the doctors and nurses asked him questions. I prayed for both of them. and continue to pray for all of them and the other patients I visit/have visited.
Today for my first code blue that I had to be present. Luckily, the patient didn't pass away, but for me this was a new experience to see something like this. I stuck around at the suggestion of other chaplains, and got to meet the husband, who was nice and fairly calm about the situation...In all honesty I wonder now if he even knew. I left because I felt that the husband needed some space to let others know what is going on, but I stayed with him while the doctors and nurses asked him questions. I prayed for both of them. and continue to pray for all of them and the other patients I visit/have visited.
Sunday, June 19, 2011
Hawaiian food in Virginia
Ok, so I was craving hawaiian food tonight. I looked for a hawaiian food place earlier with no luck, then i found one by accident. It's a "Ono Hawaiian BBQ" place, which is more popular in socal so I was expecting the same quality.
You may guess where I'm going with this...
The door has many awards posted on it, but what I begin to notice is that they have won the award not for best restaurant or hawaiian food, but "Chinese".
Yup, This particular "Ono Hawaiian BBQ" serves Hawaiian food AND chinese food. Still doesn't deter me from eating here this father's day evening. So I order a Curry chicken plate which they give me fried wonton skins and salad dressing as an appetizer (wasn't bad at all, so no complaints). And they bring out a full order of the chicken katsu and a huge bowl of curry. I thought to myself, this is awesome...until I tried the curry sauce. For those who don't know the differences between curry, this was not hawaiian curry, which is similar to Japanese curry except more milder. This curry was more on par with thai curry, because it had coconut milk and pineapple. It wasn't bad at all. But it wasn't what I was expecting.
Tied into this understanding is a level of culture clash that I have mentioned but not like this exactly. So like, they have these stores like "dollar general" and "family dollar" except they're not really dollar stores. Virginians have their own accent, which is subtly different from a "southern" or a "northern" accent. And the correct way to say Portsmouth and Norfolk sounds like "Portsmith" and "Nor(*bleep*)". I can't come to terms actually saying it how it is supposed to be pronounced so I still sound like a foreigner. The best thing over here other than the people are the gas prices...I don't know how much you're paying down on the west coast, but I filled up my car paying 3.59/gal.
Aside from things i've noticed and all the things I've experienced, please know that I still miss home. Thank you very much to those who have been checking up on me to make sure I'm ok. I'll be alright, but just know that I miss you all.
You may guess where I'm going with this...
The door has many awards posted on it, but what I begin to notice is that they have won the award not for best restaurant or hawaiian food, but "Chinese".
Yup, This particular "Ono Hawaiian BBQ" serves Hawaiian food AND chinese food. Still doesn't deter me from eating here this father's day evening. So I order a Curry chicken plate which they give me fried wonton skins and salad dressing as an appetizer (wasn't bad at all, so no complaints). And they bring out a full order of the chicken katsu and a huge bowl of curry. I thought to myself, this is awesome...until I tried the curry sauce. For those who don't know the differences between curry, this was not hawaiian curry, which is similar to Japanese curry except more milder. This curry was more on par with thai curry, because it had coconut milk and pineapple. It wasn't bad at all. But it wasn't what I was expecting.
Tied into this understanding is a level of culture clash that I have mentioned but not like this exactly. So like, they have these stores like "dollar general" and "family dollar" except they're not really dollar stores. Virginians have their own accent, which is subtly different from a "southern" or a "northern" accent. And the correct way to say Portsmouth and Norfolk sounds like "Portsmith" and "Nor(*bleep*)". I can't come to terms actually saying it how it is supposed to be pronounced so I still sound like a foreigner. The best thing over here other than the people are the gas prices...I don't know how much you're paying down on the west coast, but I filled up my car paying 3.59/gal.
Aside from things i've noticed and all the things I've experienced, please know that I still miss home. Thank you very much to those who have been checking up on me to make sure I'm ok. I'll be alright, but just know that I miss you all.
Saturday, June 18, 2011
What to say...
Last night was my first night staying overnight at the hospital. The spiritual care dept. tries to provide 24 hr access on the weekdays for those who are dealing with a spiritual crisis or just need a pastoral presence for whatever they're going through. Last night was a particularly quiet night, which was good for me to "ease" in to the feeling of staying overnight at the hospital.
After 3 hrs of sleep on a recliner sofa, I woke up bored after taking a shower and waiting for the rest of the hospital to wake up. But as I stared at my computer screen, the custodian walked by. We've talked before as she has been in charge of our floor. But this morning we actually had a conversation about our calling in life, as she asked me what brought me to become a pastor.
I answered her by saying that my calling was based in a faith community where there was/is/will be a need, and my gifts, talents, and passion complement that need. She thought about that and then gave me her spin on this. She comes from a place where she couldn't pinpoint what she was good at, as she excelled in everything. She has a degree but has never used it. She has three kids and does not have the time or energy to explore what God really wants her to do. But the most important part is that she knows that God is not calling her to be a custodian, because she hates her work.
I didn't know how to respond, so I continued to listen to what she has to say. She understands that with a calling comes a level of patience, and maybe this is a lesson to learn. She believes in God and is a church goer, but between being busy and her frustrations, she feels out of place. I wanted to tell her that her calling is in her children, or that her calling will come soon, but I felt that she has heard people say this to her. In the end, I just said that God calls everyone towards something, and its always changing. She agreed with me on that, and we talked about other things from that point onward.
I hope that she finds her calling. I don't think it will be a burning bush, though it would be helpful. But I hope that God does move her in her life to be spiritually inspired.
After 3 hrs of sleep on a recliner sofa, I woke up bored after taking a shower and waiting for the rest of the hospital to wake up. But as I stared at my computer screen, the custodian walked by. We've talked before as she has been in charge of our floor. But this morning we actually had a conversation about our calling in life, as she asked me what brought me to become a pastor.
I answered her by saying that my calling was based in a faith community where there was/is/will be a need, and my gifts, talents, and passion complement that need. She thought about that and then gave me her spin on this. She comes from a place where she couldn't pinpoint what she was good at, as she excelled in everything. She has a degree but has never used it. She has three kids and does not have the time or energy to explore what God really wants her to do. But the most important part is that she knows that God is not calling her to be a custodian, because she hates her work.
I didn't know how to respond, so I continued to listen to what she has to say. She understands that with a calling comes a level of patience, and maybe this is a lesson to learn. She believes in God and is a church goer, but between being busy and her frustrations, she feels out of place. I wanted to tell her that her calling is in her children, or that her calling will come soon, but I felt that she has heard people say this to her. In the end, I just said that God calls everyone towards something, and its always changing. She agreed with me on that, and we talked about other things from that point onward.
I hope that she finds her calling. I don't think it will be a burning bush, though it would be helpful. But I hope that God does move her in her life to be spiritually inspired.
Thursday, June 16, 2011
The last two days...
I would like to talk about the last two days.
I was going to post about yesterday, but in light of what I'm about to talk about, I decided to wait for some of the graduations to pass.
With that said, in the last two days, I have witnessed two major things to see how God works in their lives.
One was a death. One of my patients had a rough night to say the least, and the family was upset. I tried to look for them after I sat with the doctors and nurses, but couldn't find them to talk. I was in the office area when I got the call from another chaplain saying that the patient died, and when I arrived, the family just arrived. They asked both I and the other chaplain to leave the room, and they mourned over their loved one. We both waited at the door, giving comfort as a pastoral presence. They left, and I prayed over the loved one's body.
The other story was another call for the chaplain for a patient who was about to die. We got upstairs and the family was getting ready and saying their goodbyes. There was a mini crowd of family members, and we filled the room with chairs. After many others came to share their gratitude for the patient, their pastor said an amazing prayer, in which I as well as the full-time chaplain waited outside to help with anything but to also give space for the family. I stood outside while they took the patient off of the respirator, and I heard sobbing, and people falling/fainting. I walked out with some of the family members to the nearby lounge/waiting area. After some time, we hear word that the patient is breathing on their own, and they will be transferred to a larger room to accomodate the 12+ member family sitting bedside. To my knowledge, the patient was stable when I left the office around 5:40pm. One of the comments that adds to the story is that the patient is a fighter; a stubborn one who won't give up. And I saw that today as I watched through the patient's window and stood by with the family.
I bring these two stories up because they are both signs of God's love eventhough they have two different outcomes. It's not that God loves one less, but it's not also that we'll ever fully understand how and why God did what God did. I heard a story today from another chaplain who said that when loved ones pass away and we are not there to say our goodbyes, it is God's way of alleviating that pain of saying goodbye, and that it is time for the deceased to return to God. I believe that, but I will tell you that it is hard to stand in front of it and tell it like it is. As for the other story about the patient continuing to fight on for life, there is something miraculous within the presence of God through those who believe. The above story from the chaplain does not fit at all with the second story, and yet it is still an act of grace and mercy of God.
I've been working as a chaplain for about 9 days, and yesterday was the first death I have experienced. Today was the first time I stood by a family on the edge of losing a loved one. Within these two different outcomes, I can still see God working in the lives of the patients and the family and friends who stood by them.
I took the rest of the afternoon lightly, and hoped the best in prayer for the one patient still fighting for their life.
I was going to post about yesterday, but in light of what I'm about to talk about, I decided to wait for some of the graduations to pass.
With that said, in the last two days, I have witnessed two major things to see how God works in their lives.
One was a death. One of my patients had a rough night to say the least, and the family was upset. I tried to look for them after I sat with the doctors and nurses, but couldn't find them to talk. I was in the office area when I got the call from another chaplain saying that the patient died, and when I arrived, the family just arrived. They asked both I and the other chaplain to leave the room, and they mourned over their loved one. We both waited at the door, giving comfort as a pastoral presence. They left, and I prayed over the loved one's body.
The other story was another call for the chaplain for a patient who was about to die. We got upstairs and the family was getting ready and saying their goodbyes. There was a mini crowd of family members, and we filled the room with chairs. After many others came to share their gratitude for the patient, their pastor said an amazing prayer, in which I as well as the full-time chaplain waited outside to help with anything but to also give space for the family. I stood outside while they took the patient off of the respirator, and I heard sobbing, and people falling/fainting. I walked out with some of the family members to the nearby lounge/waiting area. After some time, we hear word that the patient is breathing on their own, and they will be transferred to a larger room to accomodate the 12+ member family sitting bedside. To my knowledge, the patient was stable when I left the office around 5:40pm. One of the comments that adds to the story is that the patient is a fighter; a stubborn one who won't give up. And I saw that today as I watched through the patient's window and stood by with the family.
I bring these two stories up because they are both signs of God's love eventhough they have two different outcomes. It's not that God loves one less, but it's not also that we'll ever fully understand how and why God did what God did. I heard a story today from another chaplain who said that when loved ones pass away and we are not there to say our goodbyes, it is God's way of alleviating that pain of saying goodbye, and that it is time for the deceased to return to God. I believe that, but I will tell you that it is hard to stand in front of it and tell it like it is. As for the other story about the patient continuing to fight on for life, there is something miraculous within the presence of God through those who believe. The above story from the chaplain does not fit at all with the second story, and yet it is still an act of grace and mercy of God.
I've been working as a chaplain for about 9 days, and yesterday was the first death I have experienced. Today was the first time I stood by a family on the edge of losing a loved one. Within these two different outcomes, I can still see God working in the lives of the patients and the family and friends who stood by them.
I took the rest of the afternoon lightly, and hoped the best in prayer for the one patient still fighting for their life.
Sunday, June 12, 2011
Class of 2011
To the MYF Graduating class of 2011,
I know that today was graduation sunday at Faith UMC, and it marks the first major events that I miss due to being on the east coast. I asked some of you to speak in front of the congregation, but because I couldn't be there in person, I did ask Chad to see if I could listen or possibly watch you give your faith testimonies. I heard Darin talk about how his musicianship really was inspired through the church, and for Jonathan to talk about how he wouldn't really cry on stage but acknowledge that real men do cry. And I saw Derek be strong and tall standing up and speaking in front of the congregation. I saw Janey be grateful for the support that the church has given her in her life. And finally, I saw Andrew well dressed for the occasion but also grateful for the church providing opportunities for camps and leadership opportunities.
With that said, I think the congregation really appreciated the words you all spoke, but also the words that you didn't speak as well, as I only was not able to ask all of you and there possibly could have been much more to say. The church has seen you grow if not for the past four years, but for your entire life to be mature adults (well, close to "mature" at least). By you going to church, they have seen how God has worked in your lives and it means a lot to them. Most of all, I am proud to have seen you grow in the youth group, watching how God has moved your lives to become leaders and role-models for the next generation.
Thank you seniors for the silliness, the dumb jokes, the randomness, and the love. Thank you for being the ones who led the way for the other MYFers and not completely scaring off the advisors. I miss you all very very very much, and wish I could be home right now to hug you guys for those who did a good job speaking and to congratulate every Senior at their graduation from grade school. Good luck on your future endeavors, and I hope that God continues to work in your lives.
Jon
I know that today was graduation sunday at Faith UMC, and it marks the first major events that I miss due to being on the east coast. I asked some of you to speak in front of the congregation, but because I couldn't be there in person, I did ask Chad to see if I could listen or possibly watch you give your faith testimonies. I heard Darin talk about how his musicianship really was inspired through the church, and for Jonathan to talk about how he wouldn't really cry on stage but acknowledge that real men do cry. And I saw Derek be strong and tall standing up and speaking in front of the congregation. I saw Janey be grateful for the support that the church has given her in her life. And finally, I saw Andrew well dressed for the occasion but also grateful for the church providing opportunities for camps and leadership opportunities.
With that said, I think the congregation really appreciated the words you all spoke, but also the words that you didn't speak as well, as I only was not able to ask all of you and there possibly could have been much more to say. The church has seen you grow if not for the past four years, but for your entire life to be mature adults (well, close to "mature" at least). By you going to church, they have seen how God has worked in your lives and it means a lot to them. Most of all, I am proud to have seen you grow in the youth group, watching how God has moved your lives to become leaders and role-models for the next generation.
Thank you seniors for the silliness, the dumb jokes, the randomness, and the love. Thank you for being the ones who led the way for the other MYFers and not completely scaring off the advisors. I miss you all very very very much, and wish I could be home right now to hug you guys for those who did a good job speaking and to congratulate every Senior at their graduation from grade school. Good luck on your future endeavors, and I hope that God continues to work in your lives.
Jon
Thursday, June 9, 2011
The Law of Buy-in
So our CPE director wanted us to read a chapter titled, "The Law of Buy-in" which I used google to figure out that it comes from John C. Maxwell's book The 21 Irrefutible laws of Leadership. Basically, the leader comes before the vision...and that vision revolves around moving the people where they need to go.
It's my second day visiting patients and my first day on my own. It's no where near as bad as I heard, though I won't lie that I fear the "horror" stories on the nights that I will be on-call. Aside from learning procedures and making sure I see patients, the patient really gets a few initial impressions of their Chaplain.
That means your perceived image is everything when you step into that room. That includes body language, the clothes you wear, the things you say, the smile on your face, the smell of your breath, and the attitude/demeanor you bring.
It works for you and against you. Maxwell alludes that as a chaplain, patients already buy in to the idea that you are a spiritual leader and you're there to help them. It can work against you in certain situations: they aren't the same spiritual afiliation/denomination as you, the same age as you, etc. It is when your tone of voice, your understanding of the situation, and your professionalism is what completes the view of a Chaplain.
But it is all to say that our job as a chaplain is not to prove we are chaplains, but to give help and guidance that the people need. I sat down with many people today listening to their stories and just reaffirming their lives in some cases and asking the right questions in others.
It's my second day visiting patients and my first day on my own. It's no where near as bad as I heard, though I won't lie that I fear the "horror" stories on the nights that I will be on-call. Aside from learning procedures and making sure I see patients, the patient really gets a few initial impressions of their Chaplain.
That means your perceived image is everything when you step into that room. That includes body language, the clothes you wear, the things you say, the smile on your face, the smell of your breath, and the attitude/demeanor you bring.
It works for you and against you. Maxwell alludes that as a chaplain, patients already buy in to the idea that you are a spiritual leader and you're there to help them. It can work against you in certain situations: they aren't the same spiritual afiliation/denomination as you, the same age as you, etc. It is when your tone of voice, your understanding of the situation, and your professionalism is what completes the view of a Chaplain.
But it is all to say that our job as a chaplain is not to prove we are chaplains, but to give help and guidance that the people need. I sat down with many people today listening to their stories and just reaffirming their lives in some cases and asking the right questions in others.
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
Getting my feet wet
Today we walked on the floor. Today and tomorrow I follow Joy who is a resident intern and is just amazing both in her care and as a person. I was handed a list of patients on the floors I was assigned, and Joy helped me introduce myself to everyone while giving me a tour as well as what floors/units she was assigned to.
I'm not sure what I was expecting, but I really had a good time. Fumbled a little because I wasn't ready to say a few prayers, but all-in-all, it wasn't too bad. too bad at all actually, because I wasn't alone. And i mean that in the sense of following Joy, but also that the patients were wanting to know who I was too. And I also mean that God was right there with me.
I think that for the past few days I've been psyching myself out thinking that I would freeze up and just be in a state of shock. I assume that it will happen sometime down the road, but at least for now, I thought to myself "I can do this" or "this is exciting" but always "There is no way I could do this without God."
I'm not sure what I was expecting, but I really had a good time. Fumbled a little because I wasn't ready to say a few prayers, but all-in-all, it wasn't too bad. too bad at all actually, because I wasn't alone. And i mean that in the sense of following Joy, but also that the patients were wanting to know who I was too. And I also mean that God was right there with me.
I think that for the past few days I've been psyching myself out thinking that I would freeze up and just be in a state of shock. I assume that it will happen sometime down the road, but at least for now, I thought to myself "I can do this" or "this is exciting" but always "There is no way I could do this without God."
Monday, June 6, 2011
(Dis)orientation day
I started my first day today, and it was overwhelming. The good kind of overwhelming, because it is the verge of starting. We learned a basic overview of what CPE is (clinical pastoral education), and what the program entails. I won't just be walking around the hospital. I'll be assigned a certain number of patient beds, and spend time with patients within the behavioral medicine. I told a few of you that I would possibly be working with teens in behavioral medicine, but it may actually be with those dealing with addiction or any adult patient within the behavioral medicine.
As we went through the day trying to get a feel for the program and a feel for those who will be watching over us as well as those within the program. As the director spoke, I began to ask myself, "what did I just get myself into?" because it's real ministry...I don't want to say the wrong words and scare people in their faith or be yelled at because I offended someone or represent my denomination in a bad way.
I went running today to clear my mind. I know right? I don't run, and I don't run in this heat, but I did because it was a lot. As I ran and afterwards when I got home, I began to understand something of my own faith that gave me comfort. I remembered two things that the director said - the first was that we as spiritual care pastors is to learn how to meet someone in their own valley, in reference to Psalm 23's Valley of the shadow of death. We figure our own way how to get into that valley without backing out and without understanding how the other person got there and without ever going there previously. We represent that connection with God to that person in need, and you can't fail at that. I'm not sure who said this, but they said that failure is not counted by wins or losses, but by failing to try in the first place. And I'm willing to go in that valley. I traveled 2800 miles to get into that valley.
The second thing that the director said was in response to what i said about doing services and stuff. He said that he's excited to see what I will do WHEN it happens. I thought about it...and admitted that I am too. 10 weeks of meeting with people in need and in their darkest times, and the care that I bring them is a representation of what I personify and/or bring to the table. In other words, I bring my experiences, readings, assignments, youth/camp work, and my understanding of God to each patient I give care. It works for me and against me, but that is what the next 10 weeks are about.
Honestly, the most overwhelming thing about the day: trying to figure out where I am in the hospital.
As we went through the day trying to get a feel for the program and a feel for those who will be watching over us as well as those within the program. As the director spoke, I began to ask myself, "what did I just get myself into?" because it's real ministry...I don't want to say the wrong words and scare people in their faith or be yelled at because I offended someone or represent my denomination in a bad way.
I went running today to clear my mind. I know right? I don't run, and I don't run in this heat, but I did because it was a lot. As I ran and afterwards when I got home, I began to understand something of my own faith that gave me comfort. I remembered two things that the director said - the first was that we as spiritual care pastors is to learn how to meet someone in their own valley, in reference to Psalm 23's Valley of the shadow of death. We figure our own way how to get into that valley without backing out and without understanding how the other person got there and without ever going there previously. We represent that connection with God to that person in need, and you can't fail at that. I'm not sure who said this, but they said that failure is not counted by wins or losses, but by failing to try in the first place. And I'm willing to go in that valley. I traveled 2800 miles to get into that valley.
The second thing that the director said was in response to what i said about doing services and stuff. He said that he's excited to see what I will do WHEN it happens. I thought about it...and admitted that I am too. 10 weeks of meeting with people in need and in their darkest times, and the care that I bring them is a representation of what I personify and/or bring to the table. In other words, I bring my experiences, readings, assignments, youth/camp work, and my understanding of God to each patient I give care. It works for me and against me, but that is what the next 10 weeks are about.
Honestly, the most overwhelming thing about the day: trying to figure out where I am in the hospital.
Sunday, June 5, 2011
One week in Virginia
So, after being here in Portsmouth for one week, I've learned many things about myself, the house(mates), the town(s),
Let's start with the house. I'll be leaving out the names of everyone for safety reasons, but I have 3 housemates, one of which is the owner. The two other roommates I rarely see (I met one on the 3rd day I was here, and the other on the 5-6th day). The owner however is awesome - he collects antique Christmas decorations pre-1950. To get an understanding of the house, the house is decked out with vintage Christmas stuff. The owner owns a long-haired chihuahua, and both spend a majority of their day on the second floor of the house (which has its own kitchen!). Everyone in the house is cool, and does their own thing.
Portsmouth is an interesting town/community. I've hinted to it, but i'll just say it...It's not the greatest town, but apparently it's getting better. I won't jog into the neighborhood, but I may take a walk near the waterbank. Portsmouth is part of a community of towns known as the Hampton Roads. It fulfills towns like Norfolk, Virginia Beach, Ghent, Chesapeake, Hampton, Newport News, etc. but all the towns are separated by water practicaly and you have to go over bridges or tunnels --> aka, traffic can suck. I've ventured into most of these towns and have used my GPS to find Costco, Target, and Filipino/Hawaiian food. There's two things you should know. First is that Norfolk has the largest naval base in the world --> there is a lot of people in the military over here. The second is that there is no restrictions/limitations placed on truck drivers --> truck drivers think that they own the road. I almost got into a car accident because a truck driver just merged into my lane...and then had the nerve to tell me to get the hell out of the way...Let it be known that I appreciate CA's laws on truck drivers, because they shouldn't drive as fast as the rest of the nation. Oh, one last thing. Portsmouth runs on Wal-mart. no question. If you need anything, the best place to go is Walmart.
Which brings me to me. I learned that i'm comfortable not wearing shoes in the house, but there being a dog and three housemates that do wear shoes, I don't take them off outside my room. I don't like sitting around doing nothing, and will try to get out of the house even if that means walking aimlessly around Wal-mart. I learned how to hem pants for the last two days, remembering what my mom taught me, as well as youtube, and making it up as I go along. But one thing I learned about myself is that I do have difficulty adjusting to new places. The day my dad left, i did wander aimlessly in Walmart not because I was bored but because I didn't know exactly what to do other than go home. And most of this week I've been either sleeping in my room, buying things I need for the next 10 weeks, talking to friends back home, working on church stuff, or playing video games (THANK YOU TO THOSE WHO BOUGHT ME STARCRAFT 2). And if it wasn't anything of that, it was thinking about what I'm going to do when I go home.
Boredom does have it's curses I suppose.
Luckily I start my program tomorrow, and I bought a TV to keep my company while i'm at home...most of these feelings will subside for the time being. Thanks again for your support and love and prayers, I will let you all know how my first day works out tomorrow.
Jon
Let's start with the house. I'll be leaving out the names of everyone for safety reasons, but I have 3 housemates, one of which is the owner. The two other roommates I rarely see (I met one on the 3rd day I was here, and the other on the 5-6th day). The owner however is awesome - he collects antique Christmas decorations pre-1950. To get an understanding of the house, the house is decked out with vintage Christmas stuff. The owner owns a long-haired chihuahua, and both spend a majority of their day on the second floor of the house (which has its own kitchen!). Everyone in the house is cool, and does their own thing.
Portsmouth is an interesting town/community. I've hinted to it, but i'll just say it...It's not the greatest town, but apparently it's getting better. I won't jog into the neighborhood, but I may take a walk near the waterbank. Portsmouth is part of a community of towns known as the Hampton Roads. It fulfills towns like Norfolk, Virginia Beach, Ghent, Chesapeake, Hampton, Newport News, etc. but all the towns are separated by water practicaly and you have to go over bridges or tunnels --> aka, traffic can suck. I've ventured into most of these towns and have used my GPS to find Costco, Target, and Filipino/Hawaiian food. There's two things you should know. First is that Norfolk has the largest naval base in the world --> there is a lot of people in the military over here. The second is that there is no restrictions/limitations placed on truck drivers --> truck drivers think that they own the road. I almost got into a car accident because a truck driver just merged into my lane...and then had the nerve to tell me to get the hell out of the way...Let it be known that I appreciate CA's laws on truck drivers, because they shouldn't drive as fast as the rest of the nation. Oh, one last thing. Portsmouth runs on Wal-mart. no question. If you need anything, the best place to go is Walmart.
Which brings me to me. I learned that i'm comfortable not wearing shoes in the house, but there being a dog and three housemates that do wear shoes, I don't take them off outside my room. I don't like sitting around doing nothing, and will try to get out of the house even if that means walking aimlessly around Wal-mart. I learned how to hem pants for the last two days, remembering what my mom taught me, as well as youtube, and making it up as I go along. But one thing I learned about myself is that I do have difficulty adjusting to new places. The day my dad left, i did wander aimlessly in Walmart not because I was bored but because I didn't know exactly what to do other than go home. And most of this week I've been either sleeping in my room, buying things I need for the next 10 weeks, talking to friends back home, working on church stuff, or playing video games (THANK YOU TO THOSE WHO BOUGHT ME STARCRAFT 2). And if it wasn't anything of that, it was thinking about what I'm going to do when I go home.
Boredom does have it's curses I suppose.
Luckily I start my program tomorrow, and I bought a TV to keep my company while i'm at home...most of these feelings will subside for the time being. Thanks again for your support and love and prayers, I will let you all know how my first day works out tomorrow.
Jon
Thursday, June 2, 2011
Settling down
So after a couple of days living in Portsmouth, I thought I would share with you what my room looks, since I don't really leave too much because IT IS SO HOT. you can see pics with comments of my room here, which is just a room, but the cool part of it is that it has 6 doors. Apparently, this room was originally made to be the dining room...100 years ago. that's why one room led to the living room (now the dining room), the front door (now barricaded), the outside patio (not barricaded but suggested not to use because of the security system), and the kitchen (which is now transformed into another bedroom and the door is permanently screwed in). Read the comments to the pics, it gives you a better idea and I don't want to type this twice.
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
Driving from California to Virginia
Hi! I'm bringing back my blog to talk about this Summer as a pastoral intern across the country. I've traveled over 2800 miles by car to get over here, and in about 4 days I will start my program. Until then, I just wanted to leave a post to describe the things I've noticed on the drive to Virginia. Every day, my dad and I took turns driving in shifts. We drove through every type of terrain and every type of weather, stayed in motels that were nice, not so nice, and the kind where you triple-check the door to make sure it's locked. Below are random facts, but I'll have to get the gas mileage and the MPG some other day. BTW, my pics of the roadtrip are on facebook. Also, if you have a skype account, my screenname is jvisitacion. Thanks!
Freeways primarily drove on: I-70, and I-64
Number of days: 6
Longest period of driving in one day: 12 hrs
Shortest period of driving in one day: 1.5 hrs
Notable Places we ate: Thelma's Filipino Cuisine (Henderson/Las Vegas, NV), Smokey's BBQ (Denver, CO), Arthur Bryant's BBQ (Kansas City, MO), Casa Gallardo (St. Louis, MO), Steak and Shake (St. Louis, MO), White Castle (St. Louis, MO), China Inn (Lexington, KY), Tamarack Food Court (Off of I-64, WV), Mexico Restaurant (Richmond, VA), Susanette's Filipino Cuisine (Virginia Beach, VA).
Best thing I ate: Smokey's BBQ, Thelma's, Susanette's, Arthur Bryant's, Steak and Shake, White Castle, Tamarack Food Court.
Worst thing(s) I ate: Quality Inn continental breakfast (Lexington, KY)
The state that had the most diverse driving conditions: Colorado
The state that had the worst "welcome" sign: Missouri
The state that had the most wild animal sightings: Kansas
The state that had the most road kill: Kansas
The sate that had the goriest road kill: Kansas
The state we stayed in the shortest: Arizona (45 min)
What California has that no other state had on this trip: restricted mileage for truckers (it's scary seeing a semi driving 75mph)
What every other state has except California: Decent rest stops with stall doors that are not lined with graffiti
The coldest temp: 30's
The hottest temp: 90's
Places we visited: Cabela's outdoor/hunting store (CO and MO), Bass Pro Fishing Store (CO and MO), St. Louis Arch (MO), Santa Claus, IN, Tamarack Artesian Center (WV)
Freeways primarily drove on: I-70, and I-64
Number of days: 6
Longest period of driving in one day: 12 hrs
Shortest period of driving in one day: 1.5 hrs
Notable Places we ate: Thelma's Filipino Cuisine (Henderson/Las Vegas, NV), Smokey's BBQ (Denver, CO), Arthur Bryant's BBQ (Kansas City, MO), Casa Gallardo (St. Louis, MO), Steak and Shake (St. Louis, MO), White Castle (St. Louis, MO), China Inn (Lexington, KY), Tamarack Food Court (Off of I-64, WV), Mexico Restaurant (Richmond, VA), Susanette's Filipino Cuisine (Virginia Beach, VA).
Best thing I ate: Smokey's BBQ, Thelma's, Susanette's, Arthur Bryant's, Steak and Shake, White Castle, Tamarack Food Court.
Worst thing(s) I ate: Quality Inn continental breakfast (Lexington, KY)
The state that had the most diverse driving conditions: Colorado
The state that had the worst "welcome" sign: Missouri
The state that had the most wild animal sightings: Kansas
The state that had the most road kill: Kansas
The sate that had the goriest road kill: Kansas
The state we stayed in the shortest: Arizona (45 min)
What California has that no other state had on this trip: restricted mileage for truckers (it's scary seeing a semi driving 75mph)
What every other state has except California: Decent rest stops with stall doors that are not lined with graffiti
The coldest temp: 30's
The hottest temp: 90's
Places we visited: Cabela's outdoor/hunting store (CO and MO), Bass Pro Fishing Store (CO and MO), St. Louis Arch (MO), Santa Claus, IN, Tamarack Artesian Center (WV)
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