(Dis)orientation day

I started my first day today, and it was overwhelming.  The good kind of overwhelming, because it is the verge of starting.  We learned a basic overview of what CPE is (clinical pastoral education), and what the program entails.  I won't just be walking around the hospital.  I'll be assigned a certain number of patient beds, and spend time with patients within the behavioral medicine.  I told a few of you that I would possibly be working with teens in behavioral medicine, but it may actually be with those dealing with addiction or any adult patient within the behavioral medicine. 

As we went through the day trying to get a feel for the program and a feel for those who will be watching over us as well as those within the program.  As the director spoke, I began to ask myself, "what did I just get myself into?" because it's real ministry...I don't want to say the wrong words and scare people in their faith or be yelled at because I offended someone or represent my denomination in a bad way. 

I went running today to clear my mind.  I know right? I don't run, and I don't run in this heat, but I did because it was a lot.  As I ran and afterwards when I got home, I began to understand something of my own faith that gave me comfort.  I remembered two things that the director said - the first was that we as spiritual care pastors is to learn how to meet someone in their own valley, in reference to Psalm 23's Valley of the shadow of death.  We figure our own way how to get into that valley without backing out and without understanding how the other person got there and without ever going there previously.  We represent that connection with God to that person in need, and you can't fail at that.  I'm not sure who said this, but they said that failure is not counted by wins or losses, but by failing to try in the first place.  And I'm willing to go in that valley.  I traveled 2800 miles to get into that valley. 

The second thing that the director said was in response to what i said about doing services and stuff.  He said that he's excited to see what I will do WHEN it happens.  I thought about it...and admitted that I am too.  10 weeks of meeting with people in need and in their darkest times, and the care that I bring them is a representation of what I personify and/or bring to the table.  In other words, I bring my experiences, readings, assignments, youth/camp work, and my understanding of God to each patient I give care.  It works for me and against me, but that is what the next 10 weeks are about. 

Honestly, the most overwhelming thing about the day: trying to figure out where I am in the hospital.