Why CPE?

If you have been reading this blog regularly, you may be asking yourself "Jon, why do this?" Simply stated, it's not easy, definitely draining, and tough to do on a daily basis.  But, it is my calling, and I was never asking for it to be easy or comfortable or relaxing.

Today was the roughest day that I've had in my program.  I was present with a family all morning while they followed their mother's wishes and pulled her off of the ventilator.  I sat/stood with the daughter who was only 17 yrs old...reminded me of all of my youth kids back home...as she reminisced about how she fought with her mother about little things, how her mother won't be there to see her graduate from high school, or just support her while she grows up a little more.  But this young woman was mature enough to know that her mother has been in physical pain for the past few years and knew that this was for the best.  I told her that it was normal to blame yourself but in the end you won't be ok...you won't get over it tomorrow...because I know that your mom was everything to you...but you will get better and stronger.

The afternoon I was called in for another death in my unit, as I stood by in support of the family mourning over the loss of their loved one.  The son came up to me and told me "God bless you Jon, I will keep you in my prayers...take care brother."  I shook his hand, gave him a hug and told him, "likewise brother, as families in Christ stick together."

Pulled in many directions and just feeling wrung out by all of the emotions in the last two days, I was asked to see a patient.  This patient was the very first patient I met and prayed with in the program.  Even though he was at the hospital for three weeks, I thought at times that he was going to pass away.  But seeing him go from not speaking, to barely waking up in MICU, to then sitting up in bed, to sitting up in a chair in regular clothes, I was truly amazed to see how God worked in his life for the past few weeks through doctors, nurses, family members, and friends.  After shooting the breeze with him, I said a prayer of thanksgiving and blessing with him along with his wife and daughter, and saw him leave the hospital.  The day before he left, he told me that miracles do exist.  I told him today that he was living proof that miracles do exist.

Why CPE?  Why learn how to be a chaplain in a hospital?  It's because you learn why you believe.  You learn how to be in the darkest moments of the lives of others when it may eat you up inside because they need someone to tell them that God is there with them.  You learn how to be less awkward when people are real with you.  But most importantly you learn that you go in there so that God can help others through you.  I'm learning that more and more.  and as much as I felt I was put through the ringer today...I am so glad I was there to be a pastoral presence for those families who lost their loved ones.  I am so grateful to be that spiritual tool for God to use.  And I am very honored to be there to share joys and sorrows with others.