Sorry I haven't published anything lately. I should have, it was a crazy summer and all, but no, I haven't said anything.
Til now.
I just got back from celebrating with some of the advisors of a good year, and the seniors for a job well done, but I really didn't say anything or want to say anything at all. I realize that it may be the last three hours I'll spend with some of them for the rest of the Summer, probably the rest of the year, and I feel crappy for not having the right words on my tongue or anything. Hell, I was on the end of the table.
It's wierd. I wanted to say that I love them and miss them and hope the best for them in college/seminary/life. I practiced in my head for months what I was going to say to each of them. At the same time, I just wanted to go home from being frustrated that I couldn't talk in the first place. I'm not sure whether I just am going through the phase of missing them, or that I can't handle change as well as I think I do. In either case, I didn't say much, just left. Barely looked back.
I don't tell many people this, but the only regret I have in life is not being able to say what is on my chest at the moment. It makes me think I don't have that lasting impact in a person's life. It makes me think that I missed something if I never saw them again. I know I'm action-oriented, willing to do something more than say it out loud. But it just sucks when you don't say anything at all.
Why didn't I say anything? Why didn't I say I got their back even though they know it, or the fact that I love them so much that I will miss them all dearly and already do, as I do every year when this happens? Why?
I don't know.
