Sorry I haven't published anything lately. I should have, it was a crazy summer and all, but no, I haven't said anything.
Til now.
I just got back from celebrating with some of the advisors of a good year, and the seniors for a job well done, but I really didn't say anything or want to say anything at all. I realize that it may be the last three hours I'll spend with some of them for the rest of the Summer, probably the rest of the year, and I feel crappy for not having the right words on my tongue or anything. Hell, I was on the end of the table.
It's wierd. I wanted to say that I love them and miss them and hope the best for them in college/seminary/life. I practiced in my head for months what I was going to say to each of them. At the same time, I just wanted to go home from being frustrated that I couldn't talk in the first place. I'm not sure whether I just am going through the phase of missing them, or that I can't handle change as well as I think I do. In either case, I didn't say much, just left. Barely looked back.
I don't tell many people this, but the only regret I have in life is not being able to say what is on my chest at the moment. It makes me think I don't have that lasting impact in a person's life. It makes me think that I missed something if I never saw them again. I know I'm action-oriented, willing to do something more than say it out loud. But it just sucks when you don't say anything at all.
Why didn't I say anything? Why didn't I say I got their back even though they know it, or the fact that I love them so much that I will miss them all dearly and already do, as I do every year when this happens? Why?
I don't know.
Tuesday, September 4, 2012
Sunday, April 22, 2012
Walk On - Sermon Summary and thoughts
So I preached today at church, and I titled it "Walk on". Free copies are located at church!
Taking the story of the walk to Emmaus and Jesus appearing to the disciples in Luke 24:13-49, my message described our lives filled with these moments where we cannot move beyond them. We focus and lose sight of the overall vision, like the two disciples who couldn't see Jesus even though he was right in front of them. Moments that keep us "busy", moments of grief/sadness, frustration, or even joy could possibly act as walls in our lives, preventing us to see the larger picture.
What do we need to remember? that Jesus is with us. That is part of the vision, and remembering that Jesus walks with us will help us clarify everything else.
When we remember Jesus, we remember the vision.
Expect Jesus to be there, but God expects you to walk on. If there's anything you need to let go to get you past the walls in your life, just let it go. Like U2 Bono's song: You can only take so much...Walk on...leave it behind
Whatever is holding you from getting past the walls in your life, just let go and walk on with Jesus. When you leave it behind and walk on, expect Jesus to be beside you, reminding you what Jesus taught us and the big vision that we’re a part of.
QUESTIONS:
1. The eyes of a child - Think of a moment that you were so focused, that it commanded all of your attention.
2. Seeing vs. Visioning - Do you have moments in your life currently from preventing you from seeing a bigger vision?
3. Walk on - What things do you need to let go in order for you to get past these walls in your life?
Taking the story of the walk to Emmaus and Jesus appearing to the disciples in Luke 24:13-49, my message described our lives filled with these moments where we cannot move beyond them. We focus and lose sight of the overall vision, like the two disciples who couldn't see Jesus even though he was right in front of them. Moments that keep us "busy", moments of grief/sadness, frustration, or even joy could possibly act as walls in our lives, preventing us to see the larger picture.
What do we need to remember? that Jesus is with us. That is part of the vision, and remembering that Jesus walks with us will help us clarify everything else.
When we remember Jesus, we remember the vision.
Expect Jesus to be there, but God expects you to walk on. If there's anything you need to let go to get you past the walls in your life, just let it go. Like U2 Bono's song: You can only take so much...Walk on...leave it behind
Whatever is holding you from getting past the walls in your life, just let go and walk on with Jesus. When you leave it behind and walk on, expect Jesus to be beside you, reminding you what Jesus taught us and the big vision that we’re a part of.
QUESTIONS:
1. The eyes of a child - Think of a moment that you were so focused, that it commanded all of your attention.
2. Seeing vs. Visioning - Do you have moments in your life currently from preventing you from seeing a bigger vision?
3. Walk on - What things do you need to let go in order for you to get past these walls in your life?
Saturday, October 22, 2011
10 weeks after 10 weeks
This has been probably one of the few times I've stayed up past 2:30 since I came back home from Virginia. And I really don't want to sleep just yet. Sure, I'm super exhausted, every bone in my body aches, and there is no reason why I should lay down on my makeshift bed to go to sleep for a handful of hours just to start a new day.
I realized it has been 10 weeks since I left Virgina. I miss it dearly. I am homesick for the life I had over in Virginia, and memories pop up left and right, and I itch to sit down and have a deeply rooted conversation about a person's life and how God is a part of the madness. Though I run with my arms wide open towards what I have now - a loving church and an amazing ministry with an amazing staff, a family and girlfriend whom I (try to) see once a month, and an abundance of love - i do look over my shoulder, wondering if I will have an opportunity to do Chaplaincy once again. I miss my supervisor/fellow office chaplains, my peers who were residents and in the program. I miss saying hi to medical staff, walking up and down the hospital, wearing a beeper, sitting in drug dependency group sessions, and just being in a room with a person.
But like I said, I am a better person. Although I itch to have those deep conversations, I realize that I can read people a lot clearer and understand their emotions with some clarity. I understand that my need to do stuff around the church is greater than my time or resources will always allow, and so my practice in self-care has been more important than ever. And that my memories of Virginia will always be a source of inspiration, both in my ministries that I am doing now and in the future, as well as my faith journey to take the path that God leads you.
I realized it has been 10 weeks since I left Virgina. I miss it dearly. I am homesick for the life I had over in Virginia, and memories pop up left and right, and I itch to sit down and have a deeply rooted conversation about a person's life and how God is a part of the madness. Though I run with my arms wide open towards what I have now - a loving church and an amazing ministry with an amazing staff, a family and girlfriend whom I (try to) see once a month, and an abundance of love - i do look over my shoulder, wondering if I will have an opportunity to do Chaplaincy once again. I miss my supervisor/fellow office chaplains, my peers who were residents and in the program. I miss saying hi to medical staff, walking up and down the hospital, wearing a beeper, sitting in drug dependency group sessions, and just being in a room with a person.
But like I said, I am a better person. Although I itch to have those deep conversations, I realize that I can read people a lot clearer and understand their emotions with some clarity. I understand that my need to do stuff around the church is greater than my time or resources will always allow, and so my practice in self-care has been more important than ever. And that my memories of Virginia will always be a source of inspiration, both in my ministries that I am doing now and in the future, as well as my faith journey to take the path that God leads you.
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