48 hours

I have two days left in my program.  Yeah.

So why am I frustrated?  I think it's because it's ending, and as all of us in the program have written evals and we were all supposed to read them.  So it may be a little lack of sleep.  It could also be that I'm pondering stuff back home: hotels, driving, money, sermon, AC, moving, 2nd job.

I ask that you pray for me tonight or whenever you read this.  Not that I feel bad or anything, maybe a lil cathartic (yeah, I just looked it up).  I got a lot out of the program, but I know I'm hard on myself and I think that is why I feel like this: that there may have been things I could have done better eventhough I did my best and no one second-guessed my ability, or the fact that time is out and whatever feelings I have should be pushed aside for the next thing, or the understanding that this opened new doors of opportunity and reflection that it's making me anxious with so many decisions.

Sometimes I find that it is hard to be ok with what I have done, or sit in gratefulness of what I've accomplished, or be content with some of the simple things I do.  I will tell you this, I don't regret one day in the CPE program or any of the difficult times I've had both inside and outside the hospital, because I am so proud and humbled by being in the room and being a witness of God's work in a patient's life.