all at once

I'm still caught up by everything and it's tying with the stress of chaplaincy.  Probably one of those moments where my CPE program is transferring to what i'm doing now. 

I'm just not sure why i'm feeling similarities between the stress/uncomfortable feelings I had then and the stress/uncomfortable-ness I have now.  I just find myself listening to "all at once" by jack johnson with my face in my hands, wanting to release all the emotions I have.  But I shed no tears because I'm not sad.  Not angry.  I'm not calm or happy either at this moment. 

And so, I sit and pray, hoping God sheds some light onto my life, not that an answer will come down like a lightning bolt, but to be present. Present amidst my own struggles, and the mad rush of this musical.  Present in my life that is torn at the moment.  Present where I have three places to live but nowhere to call home at the moment.  Present in my relationship with Mika.  Present in the new adventures of work/church.  Present amidst my school loans. 

I guess I've been wanting to get that off of my chest for a while.  The stress of the musical and all of its "fun-ness" seems to have brought me back to a reality that I need God, and God has never left me. 

Amen to that.