In response...

I wrote this email in response to an article written by Steve Lopez of the LA times

Hello Steve,

My name is Jon Visitacion, and currently I'm a High School Youth Coordinator/pastor for a church in the south bay.  This past Summer, I interned as a chaplain in a hospital setting and experienced being spiritually present with patients and loved ones going through some of the darkest times of their lives.

When I came back to my church, I gave a testimony about my experiences, which led to one of the church members handing me an article dated back on 7-17-11 titled "Floundering in the Dark" and dealt with the business of dying.  From your article, I can relate from the 'outside looking in' that dying is a bit more complicated in terms of emotions and finances.  I got to work with a hospital team called "palliative care" where all of the diagnoses and options of care were laid out on the table.  It is done in hopes that the patient and family's wishes are fulfilled to the best of their ability, being completely informed of each direction the doctors, nurses, and chaplains can go.  With that said, I saw a patient who, with the support of her family, requested to be brought back to life at all costs.  I couldn't imagine the cost that the family incurred by being in MICU for months or the multiple ER visits.

I guess that is all to say that I understand what you mean when you say the "business of dying." It is a business, and in your definition it is meant by the last few years/months/weeks/days that there is a cost, and as we age we do not prepare ourselves for the emotional or financial cost as we get closer and closer towards the end of our life.  Although we may not age well, we must try to make the attempts in whatever way we can. 

What gets people through the business of dying is the support of family, friends, and their faith.  Like how you wrote that your father fell to the ground and couldn't get up and then your mother laid beside him in the dark, we hope that there will be someone who holds us when we're alone in the dark.  I really appreciate the words you wrote, and will be keeping you in my prayers as you go through this journey with your father. 

Take care, and God Bless,

Jon

A reflection in music

All at once, the world can overwhelm you.

And you think that you have it under control but you realize that the ground you stand on isn't as firm as you thought it was, and you fall.  We keep asking ourselves if we're strong enough, but we change in midstream. 

To make the world better.
To make the people happier.
To make our lives easier.
To make the event more successful.

In light of the musical, amidst my frustrations, I think we get caught up in doing things better, simpler, faster, and from different perspectives, that we lose our own group understanding.  That's when the frustration comes: when people want to change, and others are not ready.  The change is for the common good, but if it was good already, there's no need to change.  All-in-all, the musical ran well.  The dinner ran well.  The youth, advisors, and adults did well.  The kitchen staff did well, and the cast did amazing.  And I got to hang out with my advisors.  And I got to thank my youth.  And I got to hang out with my youth. 

So eventhough i was frustrated, I really am grateful for what God has given us: through hardwork, we have dedication. Through time off, we have fellowship.  Through silly-ness, we have memories.  Through it all, we have music.

Thank you God, thank you Faith UMC, thank you youth, parents, advisors, adults, congregation and community. 

There's a world we've never seen
There's still hope between the dreams

Rain

Wait, did that just happen in socal on the first week of fall?

Yeah, it just rained.  I woke up to the sound of rain.  After all of the frustration I had last night, both internally and with whats going on in the musical, it was a blessing to hear it.  It was another trigger of Virginia, a reminder that would come every week or so.  That while it would be so hot that you couldn't breathe, there would come a day that the rains would come and cool down everything, and quench everyone's thirst.

The rain cooled me down, i'm not worried about today, wish i could have played in the rain but i was wearing nice clothes by then.  But, today will be a good day.

all at once

I'm still caught up by everything and it's tying with the stress of chaplaincy.  Probably one of those moments where my CPE program is transferring to what i'm doing now. 

I'm just not sure why i'm feeling similarities between the stress/uncomfortable feelings I had then and the stress/uncomfortable-ness I have now.  I just find myself listening to "all at once" by jack johnson with my face in my hands, wanting to release all the emotions I have.  But I shed no tears because I'm not sad.  Not angry.  I'm not calm or happy either at this moment. 

And so, I sit and pray, hoping God sheds some light onto my life, not that an answer will come down like a lightning bolt, but to be present. Present amidst my own struggles, and the mad rush of this musical.  Present in my life that is torn at the moment.  Present where I have three places to live but nowhere to call home at the moment.  Present in my relationship with Mika.  Present in the new adventures of work/church.  Present amidst my school loans. 

I guess I've been wanting to get that off of my chest for a while.  The stress of the musical and all of its "fun-ness" seems to have brought me back to a reality that I need God, and God has never left me. 

Amen to that.

Why are musicals so stressful?

Amidst trying to move and get ready for the new year, the church is throwing their annual musical performance.  And every year the cast does an amazing job, and have heard nothing but positive comments of the music and the performers. 

So why is everyone so stressed out? 

I look at everyone and they're not necessarily irritated, but just exhausted.  Burned out.

Just done.  With everything.

It bothers me, but I have no answer or no real reflection.  If you were to ask why people help, you would get a range of answers: I love to sing, I love to hear singing, I love to help the church, someone asked me to help out, it goes to a good cause, and I don't have anything better to do. 

I guess I'm torn between the benefits and the costs of this ministry.  Does it benefit everyone?  Does it cost everyone? I'm not sure I could say yes or no for either of these questions. 

Change for good

As I sit in the church watching the congregation get ready for their musical, one of the members began singing a song from Wicked...at least I think it was from wicked.  I latched onto the words of the chorus, which kept echoing the words, "change for good". 

It moved me, even though most of the change I was initially dealing with.  I have a sprained ankle and a pulled back, and I'm trying to move into an area which people have warned me about.  I'm trying to get back into the mood of doing youth work, but it's not transitioning well, as I've been trying to juggle the upcoming events for the HS youth group.

Change for good.  As much as I can complain about, I AM SO GRATEFUL.  I'm not afraid of the area, as I've been to places more ghetto in Fresno and I felt that there are places in Virginia could rival it.  My neighbors are nice and watch out for each other.  But most of all, I"M CLOSER TO WORK.  Work is getting more stressful because I'm given more tasks and more responsibilities.  It should be awesome!  Mika's coming down more cuz her sister Mari moved down! 

Change for good.  I am happy, counting my blessings, loving my loved ones, and reuniting with my youth.  Amen.